Towards a Life Full of Transformation
As the year comes to a close, many of us grapple with the remaining pieces of different emotions. Some reflect on the glory of their achievements; others may have been grieving. Some might be enjoying the tender joys in life, or even reclaiming forgotten parts of themselves.
To exist is to experience life’s ever-changing force of energy. And nothing reminds us more of this inherent urge for transformation than a new beginning. January marks the month when most people develop hope and motivation for change. It’s truly admirable the courage it takes to look at oneself and set new goals for a better tomorrow; a brighter future.
Yet, here’s where the first stumbling stone appears. When the holidays end, most people start to struggle with carrying the weight of their new year’s resolutions. They let go of the milestones they set for themselves, leaving behind fragmented feelings of shame, disappointment and anger.
Today, we’re breaking a cycle. We’re shattering the rhythm of defeat by adopting a new perspective on our life journeys. In this blog, we’ll explore the true gift of life. We’ll discover how everyday is an opportunity for growth, knowledge and progression.
The Myth of Linearity
How many times have you asked yourself,
“Why can’t I ever reach a resolution?”
We feel a lot of frustration when we suddenly find ourselves stuck in the quicksand of life. Time is passing by, day by day, and the motivation we once felt feels ever so far away. In those times, it may be so tempting to just think, “I’m going to give up.”
But wait.
Pause.
Take a deep breath.
Did you not know?
Change is a circular process of progression, reflection and regression.
The myth of linearity is believing that transformation is a process that has a beginning and an end. Let’s revisit this concept through the Transtheoretical Model of Change. This model invites us to look at change in five different stages:
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Precontemplation: The stage where people are unable to recognize or address a pattern that needs to be changed.
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Contemplation: Individuals start to recognize a need for change and develop initial levels of motivation.
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Preparation: This preparatory stage encourages individuals to plan and strategize the steps needed to implement their change.
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Action: Individuals actively implementing the steps of change through commitment and ongoing adjustment.
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Maintenance: The phase of sustaining new behaviors and preventing relapses.
How is this relevant for the “New Year, New Me” movement?
Because every single day can be your very own reset button. Transformation is not a process that waits for the race signal to start. It is a cycle that starts the day you recognize a change is needed.
The permission to change has been granted just by recognizing that your life is already repeatedly inviting you into a new chapter. This is why spring is the month of rebirth, summer is the month of expansion, fall is the month of release, and winter is the month of rest and renewal.
The Five Strategies of Setting Goals
Setting goals is a skill that one can practice. Here are five strategies you can apply to develop the goals curated for you:
Recognize your needs. One thing to acknowledge is that the goals we need and the goals we want can be substantially different. For example, you might want to completely overhaul your lifestyle overnight. However, in these current circumstances you need to take one manageable step that supports your well-being. By being aware of your own emotions and motivation, you can tap into the goals that truly and intrinsically motivate you toward achieving them.
Set realistic goals. This means that we need to set aside our desires, and truly look at our situation from a rational point of view. This starts by visualizing the change you desire, and breaking it down into milestones that are realistic to your current resources. For example, focusing on the goal of making more friends can improve your well-being more than the goal of “not feeling lonely”. While making friends is attainable, your emotional states are fluctuating. Therefore, research has shown that setting attainable and clearly defined goals supports greater well-being.
Focus on your energy. In psychological research, there’s a concept called the “cognitive load”. As we focus on too many tasks at the same time, our minds reflexively resort to doing what’s fast rather than what’s better. Maybe you’ve experienced something similar, for example. Think of the last time you were overwhelmed with thoughts. You may have quickly written a note on a piece of paper, only to realize that you misplaced that same note. Similarly with our goals, if we struggle to focus our cognitive energy on strategizing our next move, we might just end up stumbling along the way in a fit of rushed anxiety. So, slow down, pause and breathe. Whenever you feel yourself slipping, reflect back on where you are in the process of change, focus on the goal you’re prioritizing and get back on track.
Build supportive systems. Change thrives in environments that reinforce your efforts. Instead of trying to eliminate every stressor, you can intentionally design systems that support your growth. This may include creating routines that anchor your day, developing habits that reduce decision fatigue, or surrounding yourself with people who encourage and motivate you. Supportive systems make your goals easier to maintain because you’re no longer relying on willpower alone. When the structure around you strengthens your intentions, consistency becomes more natural and setbacks feel less overwhelming.
Cultivate self-compassion. Self-compassion is truly a foundation upon which motivation can blossom. Goal achievement happens when you can recognize your own resilience and agency in bringing forward the change you desire. In her article about the relationship between goals and self-compassion, one of the leading experts in compassion, Kristin Neff, says that self-compassion “helps to facilitate the learning process by freeing individuals from the debilitating consequences of harsh self-criticism, isolation and over-identification in the face of failure.”
The Hope You Find in Transformation
What I like most about change is that it’s a synonym for “hope”. If you are taking a risk, what you are really saying is, “I believe in tomorrow and I will be part of it.”
– Linda Ellerbee
By giving yourself the agency to lead your life, you automatically lean into new opportunities and possibilities instead of sticking to your fear. Every small step becomes a promise to yourself. You are growing, evolving and choosing to show up for your own well-being. Change may not be linear, but it is always alive within you.